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Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem]

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26 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:16 am

Octa

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King Of Rhymes
King Of Rhymes
okay... delivery needed agression
lyrics? to be honest...a few lines here and there was pretty tight..bt overall...
not whack..bt not how all dese ppl are jumpin bout it...
no psych. dude, but these ppl hear a "lyrical beat" and the get fooled thinking the whole track is a lyrical track...
bt whevva works for your audience..as much as i might hate soulja boyy..some ppl love em..so if u gettin love for whevva u doin..its cool...
pronounciation needs major work...
i see great potential in ur lyrical "thoughts"..bt execution gotta be perfectt... i'll give u a drake example..

i dont never play, like i got a sprained ankle => okayy pretty weak

like a sprained ankle, boy i ain nuthyn to be played with => pretty good

so same concept but u see how da impact changes? wish u all da best...
dont be demotivated, i'd rather spend my time sayin things that help some1 improve instead of copy pastin wowowow.

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27 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:25 am

Wafi

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Official Rhymer
Official Rhymer
Octa wrote:okay... delivery needed agression
lyrics? to be honest...a few lines here and there was pretty tight..bt overall...
not whack..bt not how all dese ppl are jumpin bout it...
no psych. dude, but these ppl hear a "lyrical beat" and the get fooled thinking the whole track is a lyrical track...
bt whevva works for your audience..as much as i might hate soulja boyy..some ppl love em..so if u gettin love for whevva u doin..its cool...
pronounciation needs major work...
i see great potential in ur lyrical "thoughts"..bt execution gotta be perfectt... i'll give u a drake example..

i dont never play, like i got a sprained ankle => okayy pretty weak

like a sprained ankle, boy i ain nuthyn to be played with => pretty good

so same concept but u see how da impact changes? wish u all da best...
dont be demotivated, i'd rather spend my time sayin things that help some1 improve instead of copy pastin wowowow.
honestly??I really apreciate your criticism!! Very Happy Very Happy
bout the lyrical thing...yeah man...but you see it's been only 9 months that I've studyin english...before that I din' know even a single word of it...please gimme a break man...lol..yeah I can't make a excuse out of it...I'll try to improve and expand my rhyme style!...bout the pronunciation thing...well consider it done couse the next song will surprise you Very Happy Razz ...thanks again for the criticism I'll bear in mind the things you've said to improve even more Very Happy

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28 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:33 am

AKProductions


Divine Poster
Divine Poster
Octa wrote:okay... delivery needed agression
lyrics? to be honest...a few lines here and there was pretty tight..bt overall...
not whack..bt not how all dese ppl are jumpin bout it...
no psych. dude, but these ppl hear a "lyrical beat" and the get fooled thinking the whole track is a lyrical track...
bt whevva works for your audience..as much as i might hate soulja boyy..some ppl love em..so if u gettin love for whevva u doin..its cool...
pronounciation needs major work...
i see great potential in ur lyrical "thoughts"..bt execution gotta be perfectt... i'll give u a drake example..

i dont never play, like i got a sprained ankle => okayy pretty weak

like a sprained ankle, boy i ain nuthyn to be played with => pretty good

so same concept but u see how da impact changes? wish u all da best...
dont be demotivated, i'd rather spend my time sayin things that help some1 improve instead of copy pastin wowowow.

Octa: ur comments remind me of my old self. lol

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29 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:05 pm

Octa

avatar
King Of Rhymes
King Of Rhymes
lol a.k...i'm goin hardd on DR noww... reall talkkk onlyyy... go back to your old selfff... why duz it matter if u get hated on...u still know that u sed they whackk cuz dey ARE wackk... dat good feeling in ur heart my friend =P please..no u.s v/s canada conversation here .. not gonna ruin another threadd... bt lezz go... me n u.. new clan "The Critics" a.k.a "Hater Instigator"..lol i dun even kno wat dat means..bt lezz goo

@wafi: 9 months? how come?! 9 months hoilehh i'm impressed by your depth..bt probably 1 year later..."9 months" wont count bro...so i know ur working hard..stay additt...Allah bless you

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30 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:25 pm

AKProductions


Divine Poster
Divine Poster
1) mixing: clean enough. I get SERIOUSLY pissed when the freakn' dB of vocals are low..but u got it right.
2) pronunciation: Gotta gotta gotta improve! Because: your pronunciation is SERIOUSLY effecting your flow. When I just take off my eyes fora second from reading the lyrics you posted: I go like..okay wtf did he just say?! I can't follow you whatsoever. So yeah..whatever type of pronunciation you can master..whether british english or american english..just do it right so u dont hv to worry abt focusingon the pronunciation and go HAM on ur flow.
3)SWAG: dude wtf?! You are seriously missing it. Like big time. Beat and lyrics: all is so agressive..but ur tone/mood of ur vocal is wack. You sound constipated.

One simple way you can improve: pretend like YOU ARE WHAT YOU SAID YOU ARE. If that doesn't come natural to you, then ACT IT OUT! Be an actor..whatever it takes..you GOTTA improve your swag. you are starting each line or a pair of lines in exaact same 'flow melody'. Change that up. every single "idea" in the verses should be acted out.

For e.g. when u r saying: cause I'm like a damned poet..(or banned poet? or cursed poet? idk wat u meant)..u gotta go all crazy angry and shout it out. (hear to Riddler's last song with xefer..get that type of tone..not for the whole song just that line)..u know what i mean? every single concept has to hit the listener at heart. plus the usual swag: u gotta show arrogance, pride, sarcasm etc. whenever ur lyrics portrays that.

so yeah..u r improving i think..but it's overall not nearly as good as everyone is saying...flow is pretty weak..no aggression in voice..plus pronunciation (okay that's the only excuse u got..others gotta sky rocket next song).

when i was working with riddler: i criticized the SHIT out of him! (i know right! i'm this wack producer and Riddler took every criticism and actually acted on them! now listen to all his tracks that he did after we worked together! I'd personally like to think that my pushing him to increase his emotions, acting out every concept helped him a lot to get even more out of his strong vocal. idk how exactly he improved..but he tried over and over again on taht track at least..and we worked until we were both satisfied. i'm telling u all these..coz ur improvement doesn't hv to be a linear curve..it can be exponential..u jst need the right Ea (Ea stands for activation energy in chemistry) and rest will be history.

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31 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:26 pm

AKProductions


Divine Poster
Divine Poster
Octa: naah that's not gonna work son..coz 90% of DR rappers will completely disregard everything i'll say...mostly coz of their inflated ego ...but i went back to my old self this time only to wafi coz wafiullah robbani seems like a kind of guy who truly wants to improve.

Wafi: oh and listen to Octa on lyrics. I praised it coz urs seem to have been written with some effort put at least. U thought abt the lyrics..not just wrote words to fill the bars. But u know the drill better than me prolly and i'm sure octa and riddler and all can help u with how to write better..there r various rhyming schemes and shit...look through those online

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32 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:46 pm

Wafi

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Official Rhymer
Official Rhymer
thanks a lot I'll bear these stuff in mind the next time...damn I hate english spittin Mad ...

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33 Re: Heavy Artillery [Hardcore Anthem] on Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:48 pm

Wafi

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Official Rhymer
Official Rhymer
uh and AK check your Inbox!!!

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